Top 3 Reminders When Relocating With A Family

Top 3 Reminders When Relocating With A Family

  There is a bold freedom when you move as a single person. The highway is open, and you are free to take any exit. Your destiny is unchartered, and the future is relatively carefree. In contrast, when you move your family, you need to be slightly more responsible. Those things that aren't priorities as a young single person are all of a sudden really important like researching daycares, schools, insurance, work visas, health care options, retirement plans—all of those issues become imminently important when coordinating a massive move as a parent. When we moved to Sweden, we fumbled around a bit and relied heavily on my husband's company to handle the logistics—that was a mistake. The woman organizing our relocation stopped answering our emails as soon as we set foot into the country. We were on our own and had not conducted any research prior to our rushed relocation—rookie mistake. Learning via trial by fire is never my preferred method, but it does burn certain...
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The Big V Gets Zero Sympathy From Me

The Big V Gets Zero Sympathy From Me

My husband is a sweet, generous, and caring man. He buys all of the groceries, cooks all of the meals and is an extremely hands-on father. He showers me with affection and love even when I'm feeling gross, unwashed, and unkempt. In my opinion, he's essentially the Gold Standard for husbands and fathers everywhere. "But, Lisa, if he's so great, why do you want to cut off his balls?" you might be asking. Indeed, he asked me the same thing. To which, I replied, "You don't have to if you don't want to but then you'll need to find another woman to bear your children because I. Am. Done." We discussed the Big V—as in, vasectomy—and mutually decided it was the best option for closing our reproductive cycle as a couple or for him to find another woman to bear his children. We concluded that I had served my time. I was a good soldier. I had altered my diet, abstained from alcohol, carried...
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If You Are Going To Be Me Tomorrow

If You Are Going To Be Me Tomorrow

If you're going to be me tomorrow, you'll need to know the following: You will be woken up by the sound of your door opening, and you'll be able to tell, without opening your eyes, which child is coming through the door to crawl into bed with you. The boy will have sure, confident steps and will run and leap onto the bed—landing on your right side. The girl will stumble in an uneven stride, still wiping the sleep from her eyes, come to your left side and pull on the sheets because she still needs help getting up onto your bed. She'll demand cuddles but won't tolerate kisses this early in the morning. They'll all be wiped off, and she'll yell, "Stoppy!" at you if you persist. For her, everything has a -y attached at the moment so the translation of her toddler-speak will take a minute. Dogg-y, stopp-y, hund-y—except for "Mama." That one is the same. (more…)...
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